A New Beginning

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If you’re still following this blog, I first want to thank you for your support and readership. It means a helluva lot to me.

I also want to tell you that I’ve started blogging — and tarot reading — again, in a new location. My new blog is called Answers & Aphrodisiacs (http://answersandaphrodisiacs.wordpress.com). After trying to shove all of my awesomeness into a five-pound box (and failing miserably), I’ve gotten back to my sexy, intuitive and potty-mouthed self. Plus, I’m starting a sexual chocolate revolution that will be utterly, lusciously, and almost sinfully delicious.

So be sure to visit me in my new tarot parlor, and book a reading with me there. And spread the word about Passion Chocolate. It’s going to be the ultimate mood-boosting, libido-driving, happy-making love fest of a chocolate bar. And I can’t wait to share it with all of you.

See you on the other side!

This is going to take a while to write… A Personal Post

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I’m about to clock in for work, but I can’t get this thought out of my head… So I’ll be writing this post between phone calls and feigned customer service. It could get long and windy, and I may skip around a lot. But I need to work this out and for once, I don’t think I could write fast enough to catch my mind.

You’ve been warned.

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Something I need to do

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I’m probably about to disappoint more than a few people with this decision, but I won’t apologize for it. I have to do what’s best for me. If you don’t like it, well… Tough shit. I’ll get over it.

I’ve decided that I’m going to go AWOL for a few weeks. For those of you who don’t understand what the hell I just said, it means I’m going to Away WithOut Leave. As in, I’m going to step away from the keyboard that is the current state of my life for a while.

I’m tired. I’ve been running myself into the ground, trying to be everyone’s favorite version of me. It seems that juggling so many titles is doind nothing but pushing me further away from my own dreams. So I need to step away from it all and access the situation.

I’m tired. I need to rest. I’ll be back when things are clear once more.

Something’s not right…

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I’m trying my hardest to get my shit together. I got a job. I got a vehicle. I’m taking care of my spawn. I’m dating an amazing guy. I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got. Yet shit still finds a way to block my progress. And I can’t figure out what’s not in its place.

There has to be a reason why everything I do in an effort to move forward gets thrown back in my face. There has to be something that I’m missing, something that will make everything click into place when I recognize it. I have an idea or two, but I keep telling myself that it’s just wishful thinking.

But it seems like the signs are all around me. Yet the pieces of the puzzle are scattered, turned upside down, or just plain missing. And I don’t know what to do about it.

Diverging from the Path

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So I’m sitting at work, and Boyfriend asked me if something was bothering me. I told him it was just a bunch of small things. But after talking to him about it, I realized exactly what’s wrong.

I’ve let my tarot dreams fall to the wayside. And that is so not cool.

Since I’ve gotten this job, I’ve either been working, sleeping or hot in the streets, as I like to say. I haven’t done a customer reading for anyone in a month. And recently, I haven’t even been able to do my own daily readings. I’ve now started carrying two different tarot decks with me at all times, yet I rarely use them anymore.

Don’t get me wrong: I absolutely love tarot. I would give tarot readings all day long if I could. I also want to create my own tarot deck, which Boyfriend (God, it makes me smile to say that) is encouraging me to do. I’ve even thought about writing my own tarot book, complete with my irreverent, cussy style of interpreting. I dream of giving in-person tarot readings from the parlor of my self-designed Queen Anne Victorian manor. I fecking love tarot.

Yet, my schedule these days isn’t allowing for any of that. I’m losing touch with my dream. And I don’t like it. So I need to get things situated on the responsible adult front. That way, I can make time to get back on the path to my dream.

And now I realize where The Moon comes in from my last daily reading.

I do not want to be at work right now…

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So I’ve had the most amazing day so far. I’m not too happy about having it end in going to work. Especially if I have to talk to horrible customers all night. But I think I’m getting the hang of that.

Why was the day so amazing? Glad you asked.

Once it started (after I woke up this afternoon), I went to spend time with The Chariot. It was beyond spectacular. I mean boneless, limb-shaking, lose all thought while just the right music plays in the background spectacular. For about an hour there, I couldn’t even stand. It was that good. And it got even better.

The Chariot and I are officially dating. So now I get to call him Boyfriend. Which is just fine with me.

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I didn’t even mind the traffic… that much

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The Chariot, courtesy of Darkana Tarot.

I find it utterly amazing that The Chariot and I have so much in common, on so many levels. We see eye to eye on a lot of things. And it seems that we’re already complementing each other in the aspects where we differ.

For instance, he wouldn’t let me not go to work to spend time with him. Which is something I would have totally done. Naughty me. On the other hand, I actually got him to sit down. Which seems to be something he doesn’t do very often. Mile a minute, I swear….

He’s very driven (no pun intended), which is something I admire. A lot. Today he told me that I should really get into creating my own tarot deck. And it was almost as if he was psychic, because he told me to take my time with it, instead of rushing through it. Which is exactly what I’ve done in the past with my attempts at creating my own deck. It’s almost as if he was there. Crazy.

I also like the fact that we can get to the point in conversations about where things are going with us. Us. Interesting.

One of my co-workers asked me what got me in such a good mood today. I told him that is was a really awesome guy. Then he made a nerdy joke about DNS glue, and I gave him an honest answer that he was not expecting. What can I say?

I’m in an especially great mood.

Two of Cups

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So The Chariot and I have decided to continue the path that we’re on and keep seeing where things go. He says I make him happy. Which was such a shock to hear.

The feeling are most decidely mutual.
That’s really all I have to say about that for now. Funny how being happy makes me rather succinct…

A personal post

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If there’s one thing I can not stand, it’s middle men. The ones who come to you with all the problems other people have with you.

For one thing, nine times out of ten, the person in your face doesn’t know the entire story. Mostly because they’ve only heard bits and pieces of it. All they know is what their source deems necessary to tell them.

So when someone comes to me with a problem that has nothing to do with them, with only half the story, then proceeds to get pissed off because I’m not responding in a way they feel is appropriate, a button gets pushed.

Another reason I despise situations like this is because the person with the actual problem with me felt the need to go to someone else with it. You know my number. You know where I live, and where I work. If you have a problem with something I’ve said or done, I believe it would be best to come directly to me. Don’t tell someone else about it, then decide to leave out half the details.

On top of it all, hypocrisy has been swirled into the mix. And boy, do I love hypocrits. I think they are just super dreamy…

Yet it seems that when I have someone in my face, going off on me about something when they don’t know the whole story, then coming at me because they don’t approve of my methods for getting my shit together, the best course of action would be to keep my fucking mouth shut. Because if I were to tell them what’s really going on, and how I feel about everything, I would be stepping out of line. But when I don’t say anything, all of a sudden I’m a lost cause. Can’t win for losing.

And on top of it all, it seems that I should apologize for doing the very things that I should be doing. Like getting my shit together and regaining my fucking independence. Although it seems to me that I’m not the problem, but the most convenient whipping post. Because when you can’t take your frustrations out on the source of the problem, you have to find the next best thing.

And I fucking refuse to be anyone’s replacement.